Wednesday, January 27, 2010

A Dispatch From The Supreme Court of the Near Future

Today in the Verizon® Supreme Court Building, the Coca-Cola® Justices filed in early for a hearing on the Nike® Death Penalty. The Frito-Lay's™ Chief  Justice, John Roberts, was first on the Sony® bench, where he winked and smirked at a pretty female reporter from the Rupert Murdoch New York Times®. Then he smoothed down his judicial robes from The Gap®, smoothed some Pantene Gel® into his silvery hair, making sure the TV cameras caught the logo on the container first, and declined on behalf of the Verizon® Court to hear the appeal of the defendant, Joey Jimson, a second-grader convicted of violating the Sam's Club Elementary School® rule against bringing in lunch boxes sold at Costco™.
"But Your Honor, what about justice?" pleaded Jenny Jermine, Jimson's defense attorney, who was representing him pro bono since the Verizon® Court's landmark ruling earlier this year that public defender programs violate the Home Depot® Constitution.
"Justice? Oh, the rights on that were sold last week to Google®" Roberts smirked. "Court adjourned. Wake up, Domino's® Scalia. Time to go get some Lunchables.™
(The foregoing is a complete transcript of a nightmare I had during my after-dinner nap last night. I knew there was something wrong with that catnip!)

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